i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is Oprah even human
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So here I am, sexting at work.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
