Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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