How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
