You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
