left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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