she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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