Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm passing your future prison.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
