Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
