Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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