Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
