where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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