If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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