Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
