Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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