i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
