but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
