note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
