I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
