Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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