fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
