I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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