i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
