If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
