When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
