How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
