Having a random hookup so left but love u
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
