Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
