You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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