You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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