So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
