I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
