No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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