The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
