she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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