he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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