Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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