No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What a dumb baby whore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
