So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
