I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
