So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
