i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
