just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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