38 yer olds are good kisserssss
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
