dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
