She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
