saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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