Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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