I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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