dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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