my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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