She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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