Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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