i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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